Day 46 Leadership and Expectations Part 2 Expectations and Self Worth

Those whose expectations affect us the most, are the ones who cared for us in our early years. Some of these had too high expectations of us whilst others had too low or no expectations. Each in their own way can damage our foundations of who we are and who we can become.

Let us take first those who expect too much of us. It is good in some ways to have one who believes in you and wants you to achieve all that is possible. That is healthy. However, what is unhealthy is when that belief and wanting the best for you transforms and morphs into something else.

Those who try and push you too far and hard beyond what you are capable of, are those whose dreams never came true and now they’re trying to live them again through you. This might be their last chance to be a great composer or musician or dancer or academic or leader. You are in some way an extension of themselves, often with their DNA within you. However, they fail to see that once the umbilical cord was cut, you became a separate entity to them, with life and dreams of your own.

You end up believing that you failed them because whatever you tried to accomplish was never good enough. They were trying to live their life through you and could therefore not see you as clearly as God could. They often pushed their dreams, hopes and aspirations, forgetting that you may not have the gifting or desires that they had. You have your own desires. However these are often crushed because they are of little worth or importance to this parent or guardian who wants you to be what they were never capable of becoming.

They set the bar too high and each time you try to jump over it you fail. Then you fail again and again and again and begin to see and sense their disappointment in you, as they see their dreams slipping away. Instead of knowing affirmation to be who God created you to be, you often feel great shame at not being good enough. That not being good enough becomes woven into the fabric of your being and holds you back in hundreds of different ways. You believe that “not good enough” is your real name. You don’t believe you can or will ever be good enough at anything you do. You lack confidence and belief in your own abilities because you disappointed the one who seemed to believe in you.

Then there are those parents or carers who had little or no expectations of us. Surely, that must be far easier, for then how can you possibly fail or be a disappointment, for whatever you do, they will be pleased?

However unfortunately it doesn’t work like that, for the message we hear when another has no expectations of us is that we are of no worth to them. They don’t believe we can achieve anything significant or of value with our lives. We have already been dismissed and discarded before we even got going. We often can’t remember why or how they thought so little of us, but it matters not. Instead, we have running through our foundations, “I will never be of any worth. No one will value me or anything I can bring to the world. I will always be overlooked, ignored and forgotten.”

And if you have parents who are one of each, then your foundations can indeed be very cracked and broken.

However, eventually you discover that you have heavenly parents who do believe in you, value you and encourage the dreams and hopes that lie hidden within you. They know what you are capable of because you have been designed by heaven. They will never push you or lead you down paths which are wrong for you. They care only that you grow into yourself and find pleasure, meaning and satisfaction in that. They will never tell you, “you are not good enough”. They will never tell you, “you are of no worth and therefore we have zero expectations of you”. Instead they will help fix your brokenness and restore to you the truth of who you are, their child, wonderfully and uniquely made.

Don’t let the over or under expectations of those who should have taken care of you the most, tarnish your future. Instead believe in the heavenly parents of Life and Light who adore you and believe in your worth as you are.

Thinking about those who cared for you in your formative years, were their expectations of you too high or too low? What effect has this had on you?

In what areas of your life do you feel that you are never good enough?

On a scale of 1 – 10, where would you score your self-worth and value?

In what ways is God encouraging you to see your great worth and the truth that you are good enough in his eyes?